


First Love

by cherrybombtriestowrite



Category: Wanna One (Band)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-27
Updated: 2017-10-16
Packaged: 2018-12-20 16:51:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 11,552
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11925117
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cherrybombtriestowrite/pseuds/cherrybombtriestowrite
Summary: As childhood friends, Ong Seongwoo is very much convinced nothing can go wrong between him and Kang Daniel. That is, until something does go wrong. And it takes him years to fix it, but oh, he will get it fixed.





	1. i hope that i have a place in your heart too

**Author's Note:**

> word vomit? idk i've had this idea for some time and IDK i hope it doesn't suck too bad

“Seongwoo, do you want to share this sandwich with me?”

Frowning, Seongwoo nudges Daniel slightly, not enough to throw the younger boy off balance but enough to show his anger. “I’m your hyung, you know?”

Daniel is close to tears but chokes it back as his tiny fingers fiddles with the ends of his primary school uniform. He mumbles under his breath, “But I thought we were friends.”

His frown growing even deeper, Seongwoo thinks,  _is he stupid? I’m older so we can’t just be friends_. Seongwoo scoots over closer to the younger boy and puts an arm on his shoulder, softly patting it. Instead of his initial thoughts, Seongwoo says, “It’s okay. I’ll allow you to drop the hyung. But only you.”

Instantly, Daniel’s face brightens up like a light bulb and he quickly takes the sandwiches his mum packed out, giving one to Seongwoo. “I told mum to make it how you like it.”

“You didn’t have to trouble her like that.” Seongwoo tells him, being careful of his tone so he doesn’t sound like he’s scolding. Daniel replies with a sheepish smile as his cheeks inflate when he eats. They eat their sandwiches in silence, only being interrupted by Daniel suddenly going on about a gaming console he wants but his mother wouldn’t buy for him. 

The boys met in church, where Daniel and his mum were introduced to Seongwoo’s family as the family who were from Busan. They don’t live nearby, but they do attend the same church and school. Daniel’s accent pierced Seongwoo’s ears at first but he grew accustomed to it after a few days. Ten-year old Seongwoo was forced to be friends with nine-year old Daniel, but after a while he didn’t mind as the younger boy is cute and kind. Seongwoo even warned a few boys in Daniel’s year to be nice to him but found it useless because Daniel is too lovable that he made friends easier than Seongwoo did. Even so, the younger still insisted on eating with Seongwoo during recess, in addition to hanging out with him after school.

“Thank you for always eating with me, Seongwoo.” Daniel chirps as he makes sure Seongwoo sees his little aegyo show.

Seongwoo will always wonder why Daniel wouldn’t eat with his other same-aged friends, but chooses to keep the question to himself and adoringly ruffles Daniel’s hair. “Just eat your sandwich.”

 

xxxxx

 

In a few years, Seongwoo finds himself sad when he faces a smiling Daniel in front of him, holding a box of sticky rice the younger’s mother made. Seongwoo knew he will have to leave for middle school a year earlier than Daniel, but the thought of not having his usual lunch partner with him makes him sad. He shouldn’t be sad because he will be able to make new friends and learn new things, but he is. Daniel, on the contrary, is happy to see his hyung go and expresses how excited he is to join Seongwoo a year later. Seongwoo accepts the gift and tells him he’ll be waiting.

When Daniel finally enters middle school, he comes running towards Seongwoo during the first recess and hugs him tightly. Seongwoo introduces him to all his new friends, addressing Daniel as his ‘best friend’. Daniel never smiled brighter. They spend their time in middle school like they did in primary school - as if the gap year never happened. To avoid misunderstanding, Daniel addresses him as ‘hyung’ at school but they are still close as ever. 

They start attending dance classes, though they attend different academies that are closer to their respective homes. They would show each other the new routines they learned during recess, as well as teaching it to the other. The other students are only able to see why they’re close friends when they sync their dances without even planning to, as if they share one mind. Where Seongwoo pops and locks, Daniel’s limbs tend to swim and fly everywhere.

Seongwoo also gets to watch Daniel slowly grow to be as big him, as if he’s watching a plant he’s breeding in science class grow. He feels like Daniel is growing too fast, so sure that the boy grows half a centimeter everyday. Daniel complains that Seongwoo is too skinny and attempts to feed him more, but Seongwoo still fails to catch up with his younger friend.

Time flies in the blink of an eye.

 

xxxxx

 

“I can’t believe my baby is going to high school already. It feels like just yesterday when you would come running to me after kindergarten classes.”

Seongwoo smiles kindly as he listens to his mother drone on after a glass of soju. He is still wearing his middle school uniform, honoring it as the last time he ever will since he’s officially done with it today. His mum insisted on a dinner to congratulate this achievement and had invited Daniel as well, but the boy was acting weird and declined it. Seongwoo didn’t think much of it but now wishes Daniel is here so he could have someone to talk to while his mum goes on her sad rant. He takes out his phone to text Daniel and bribe him with food, but is met with a text by the boy himself.

 

Niel: I’m outside

Ong: right now? outside the restaurant?

Niel: yea

Ong: what do you want me to do about it then

Niel: don’t be dumb come outside

 

Seongwoo smiles at how Daniel and him seem to have telepathic abilities when one of them is in trouble. He has been stuck with the boy since primary school and the dynamics between them have changed so many times but they are always in sync.

Telling his mother that he’s meeting Daniel outside for a bit, Seongwoo leaves and a smile decorates his face at the sight of Daniel with his hands in his sweater pockets, staring at the street. Seongwoo pokes his side, startling him out of his daydream.

“Did you come to rescue me? My mum is about to finish a whole bottle of a soju.” Seongwoo asks, hands clasped together and begging it to be true.

Scratching his neck, Daniel blinks and shakes his head. “Not really. I came because of…something else.”

The older boy narrows his eyes at his friend, carefully observing him. Daniel is being awkward and also still has his uniform on under his sweater. Seongwoo knows Daniel likes to go to sleep right after school, but today is one of the days he has dance practice.

“Did you skip practice?” Seongwoo immediately asks.

Flustered at the sudden question, Daniel answers, “Y-yeah. I wasn’t feeling well.”

“Oh? Are you okay? Sick?” Seongwoo asks, concerned as he touches Daniel’s face to see if it’s warm. On the contrary, Daniel’s face is cold as he has been waiting outside the restaurant for some time. “Why aren’t you at home resting?”

“Hyung,” Daniel removes Seongwoo’s hands from his face and the older boy is taken aback by the honorifics being used outside of school. “I’m here to tell you something.”

“Can’t you say it some other day?” Seongwoo chuckles at how weird the air is right now. “I’m only going to high school, you know. You’ll survive like you did when I went to middle school first.”

“No, I have to say it right now. Before you go on to high school without me.”

“Daniel, that is so dramatic.”

“I’m being serious right now, Seongwoo.” Daniel whines, which makes Seongwoo drop the teasing. Seongwoo gestures for him to continue, anticipating what this could be.  _Perhaps a heartfelt congratulation? Does he have a gift for me? Oh my god, did his mum make some sticky rice for me? But he isn’t holding anything–_

“I like you, Seongwoo.”

If Daniel knew that was all it took to get Seongwoo to shut down for a while, he’d have said it a lot when Seongwoo wouldn’t shut up. But it isn’t something to be said often - which is why he chose tonight as the night to say it.

“I…can’t say when I realized this, but I do. I like you.” Daniel adds, the silence killing him.

Seongwoo’s mouth opens, unsure of what to say first. He finally asks softly, “Like…like a friend?”

Growing redder, Daniel looks at his shoes and tries to hide his burning face. “No. More than a friend.”

His hands opening and closing into a fist repeatedly, Seongwoo’s heart rate rises. This is not what he expected. This is not what he wants. This is the last thing he needs to come in between this precious friendship.  _Why does he have to say this right before we’re about to be separated for a year? Does he actually hate me?_

“I…don’t know what to say.” Seongwoo finally admits and sighs. He takes in a deep breath and tries to look anywhere else but Daniel. “This is really too sudden.”

“I understand. I get it if you don’t like me back like that, I–”

“I don’t like you.”

The silence somehow becomes deeper. Seongwoo’s hands are now clenched in fists while Daniel’s face grows a little more paler as the second goes. If Seongwoo could, he would fast forward to get Daniel’s reaction over with because he knows it will be painful to watch. Any instance where Daniel isn’t smiling is troubling to him.

“I see.” Daniel softly mutters. His confident demeanor is suddenly gone, making him shrink unlike the big growing boy he is. It kills Seongwoo to see him like this - so small. Daniel finally musters a cute smile and nods his head. “I just needed an answer. Thanks, Seongwoo! Good luck in high school, too.”

Walking away without waiting for a reply, Daniel rushes past Seongwoo to head back home. Seongwoo turns around and wants to call out his name, but couldn’t even bring himself to open his mouth. After getting back inside the restaurant and tuning out from his mum’s rant, Seongwoo stares at the wall and makes a realization; he shouldn’t have wanted to fast forward - he should’ve rewind.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Daniel finally enters high school the following year, surprising Seongwoo upon seeing how tall the boy had shoot up. Sporting a dark brown hair, Daniel looks matured as compared to the baby Seongwoo knew him as. It’s amazing how much can happen in a year. Seongwoo recalls the way Daniel hugged him during his first day of middle school and wonders if he will repeat it.  _He looks like he can lift me off the floor now_ , Seongwoo fondly thinks. On the first day, during a busy lunch hour where the freshmen are just figuring out the cafeteria, Seongwoo spots Daniel from afar. Seongwoo is sitting with Minhyun, a friend he made during his freshman year. He already hopes Minhyun will like Daniel the way all his other friends do - no one is able to hate Daniel even if they tried.

From a table away, Daniel finally spots Seongwoo who’s smiling softly at him. Smiling back, Daniel nods his head a little before walking away to sit at a table with a few other freshmen.

 _Oh_ , Seongwoo thinks.  _So that’s how it’s going to be?_

His mind has erased the memory of  _that night_  from his brain, replacing it with soft and endearing memories with Daniel. Now that he’s seeing his best friend again, he tells himself the inevitable truth - it will never be the same again. Who can possibly stay friends after a confession like that? To add to that, they spent a year away from each other. Seongwoo managed to make friends with the same interests as him who are also his age. Daniel must’ve spent a great last year of middle school without him, too.

“Do you know him?” 

Seongwoo turns back towards Minhyun, unaware that he has just spent an odd amount of time staring at the table of freshmen. His friend raises his eyebrows, waiting for an answer. Seongwoo clears his throat and forks the noodles on his plate. “Uh, yeah. Sort of.”

“He’s handsome.” Minhyun points out, which is certainly true because Daniel stands out from the group with his innocent face but huge built. Seongwoo could only nod sadly. Minhyun inquires further, “How do you know him?”

“A friend from primary school.”

“Ah, a childhood friend. Get him to eat with us someday!”

“Why?”

“Why not? He looks like a nice guy.”

“Because,” Seongwoo lets out an exasperated sigh, “we’re not exactly…how we used to be.”

Minhyun holds back a smile and asks, “That sounds dramatic. Did he forget to return a PlayStation game he borrowed from you or something?”

Chuckling, Seongwoo wishes it was that simple. He’d forgive Daniel so quick for something as petty as that. His mind keeps on replaying that night in his head, mainly the part where Seongwoo said he doesn’t like Daniel without even hesitating for a second. Seongwoo gulps and tries to avert his thoughts by thinking about the theater assignment he needs to work on before the week ends.

Minhyun looks at his friend, trying his best to decipher his thoughts. It might be impossible because he’s known Seongwoo for barely a year and only discovered that the boy can dance very well just towards the end of the year.  _There has to be bigger secrets that he’s harboring_. Minhyun then glances towards the freshman, interested in the back story of this friendship the most.

 

 

 

 

High school ended in a blink. Seongwoo and Daniel never mended the broken friendship nor fixed the odd tension in the air when they’re in the proximity of each other. If anything, they got comfortable with the distance between them.

Minhyun did his best to investigate this matter by befriending Daniel’s close friend, a certain Kim Jaehwan, but instead got himself caught in a new friendship he never wanted to be involved in the first place. Jaehwan’s laugh is too loud and scary at times but he puts his voice to good use as a wonderful singer. Minhyun’s popularity helped Jaehwan gain more attention towards his talent, which he is reminded of everyday by Jaehwan who claims that his religion is ‘Hwang Minhyunism’.

Even so, he barely got anything about Daniel. He met the broad-shouldered boy a few times while hanging out with Jaehwan, and the boy is indeed as pleasant as he looks. When Seongwoo was mentioned, though, Daniel’s face would usually contort into a sad smile as he goes silent. Jaehwan said Daniel and Seongwoo were friends but something happened before the latter entered high school. Daniel wouldn’t tell Jaehwan what happened, which led Minhyun to a dead end.

And now Minhyun and Seongwoo are in their graduation robes, tired after a whole afternoon of the ceremony. Minhyun stretches his long body but almost loses his balance when he is attacked by a sudden hug. He looks down and sees a laughing Jaehwan clinging onto him.

“Hyung! How am I going to survive a year without you? You better wait for me because I’m definitely getting into the same university as you.” Jaehwan excitedly states, earning a laughter from Minhyun.

Minhyun strokes his head adoringly and says, “Just let me have a peaceful year away from you, okay? I need a break.”

As Jaehwan jokes about embarrassing Minhyun when they meet again, Seongwoo is left forgotten by the side. He smiles at this interaction, reminded of his own best friend who used to say those things as well.  _I’m working hard to get into the same middle school as you, hyung!_  Seongwoo smiles to himself and sighs.

“Congrats on graduating.”

Seongwoo lifts his head up immediately, the familiar voice attacking him like an arrow to the heart. Standing before him is the boy who used to be a head shorter then him, but is now as tall as him. Daniel is smiling at him softly, his two front teeth slightly sticking out. Seongwoo’s heart flutters at this, and he doesn’t even know why. He doesn’t realize how much he’s been longing to talk to Daniel until the boy is standing in front of him, holding a box.

“My mum made rice cakes.” Daniel says, handing the box to him. “She found out you’re graduating today and made them.”

“She shouldn’t have.” Seongwoo says, taking the box and smiling gratefully. He wonders to himself if he’s dreaming - if Daniel is really talking to him. He looks to his side to see Minhyun and Jaehwan who’ve stopped talking to stare at them. Daniel gets flustered by the attention and backs away slowly.

“Good luck in uni, hyung.” Daniel says, holding up a fist and adds a small ‘fighting!’. He then pulls Jaehwan with him and walks away, leaving Seongwoo with Minhyun. The smile on Seongwoo’s face drops and is quickly noticed by Minhyun.

“I’ll find out what happened between you guys one day, you know. Why don’t you just enlighten me with the truth?” Minhyun demands, impatient.

Seongwoo shrugs. “We were best friends. And then shit happened.”

“Unbelievable.” Minhyun rolls his eyes and throws his hands up. He picks up his bag and says, “Let’s go eat, I’m frustrated.”

 

xxxxx

 

Freshman year in university passed by quickly, though Seongwoo barely survived it. He is thankful that Minhyun is still with him, still as helpful as ever. He has made even more close friends in college like Minhyun’s old friends from middle school, though none of them as close to him as Minhyun is. There are times when he misses Daniel, wondering what it’d be like if they were still best friends during high school. He’d do anything to have Daniel attend the same university as him and hopefully mend their friendship. It’s pathetic how much he’s been thinking of Daniel, but Seongwoo really does regret what he said that night. In what way he regrets it, he’s not sure himself.

And then his prayers are answered during freshmen week. He accompanies Minhyun to go welcome Jaehwan but finds himself smiling from ear to ear at the sight of none other than Kang Daniel. He has pink hair now, proving that he can pull of any hair color he wants to. Seongwoo recalls his resolution for the year and boldly walks towards Daniel. The younger doesn’t even get the chance to bow when Seongwoo greets him.

“Oh god, what have you been eating while I was away?” Seongwoo playfully asks, nudging Daniel’s large frame. He knows that the boy is big, but not  _this_ big. He’s tall with broad shoulders, a figure anyone would kill to have. “Did you pick up rugby or something?”

Daniel looks a little shocked, definitely taken aback by this sudden greeting. He replies, “I just continued dancing.”

Seongwoo nods understandably, smiling at him. Daniel looks away, feeling a little awkward and out of words. Seongwoo doesn’t give up and asks, “Y-yah, remember when you ran up to me on the first day of middle school and hugged me so hard I fell?”

Wordlessly, Daniel nods. A small smile then decorates his face as he looks down at his feet. “Yeah, I was embarrassing.”

“Not really.” Seongwoo denies, stepping a little closer towards him. “My friends were all jealous that I’ve got a close dongsaeng who adores me.”

The smile on Daniel’s face grows wider, making Seongwoo smile as well. Before he could add on to the story, an announcement is made for the freshmen. Daniel quickly pulls Jaehwan away from Minhyun and they run towards a building they are instructed to gather in. They leave a confused Seongwoo and Minhyun behind once more.

“Okay, you’re killing me.” Minhyun groans once he turns to see a happy looking Seongwoo. “You’ll have to talk to me about him one day.”

Tuning his smile down a notch, Seongwoo says, “He’s just a friend who means a lot to me.”

Biting his lip and closing his eyes, Minhyun is used to the disappointment when they’re on this topic.  _Well, at least he’s happy this time._

 

 

 

“A party?”

“Yeah, that’s what I said.”

“But why?”

“Do I need a reason to throw a party?”

“Kinda, yeah.”

“I just want to hang out with people and have a good time.”

“…okay.”

“Fine, if you need a reason so bad, let’s just say…mmm…oh! It could be for you!”

“Why me?”

“Minhyun told me about your little reunion with–”

Before Seongwoo could hear what kind of treachery Minhyun has performed on him, Minki is shoved to the side by Minhyun himself. Dongho puts a consoling arm around Minki, laughing at how easy it was to push Minki off a chair.

Putting his hands up, Mihyun defends himself, “I just told them about Daniel and Jaehwan.  _Our_  friends from high school. Nothing more.”

Seongwoo wants to gasp at his ‘our friends’, but holds it back.  _Daniel is my friend_. “You–”

“They are my friend, you know? I think I’ve talked to Daniel more times than you have throughout high school.” Minhyun retorts before Seongwoo could even speak his mind.

 _Fuck, he’s right_. Seongwoo shrugs. “It’s nothing to be celebrated.”

“It’s not a huge free flowing booze kind of party, Ong-ah. It’s just a few people chilling on a couch, playing the X-Box, maybe smoke a little…” Dongho says. 

“Yeah, and let’s invite the freshmen as well.” Jonghyun suggests from the side, looking up from his homework for once. “They sound like nice guys. I helped at the orientation so maybe I know them.”

Minhyun nods. “They are nice guys. Jaehwan is a little loud, but he can provide some entertainment if you give him a guitar. Just don’t let him drink too much because if he starts having too good of a time, he’s going to start laughing and…”

Seongwoo tunes out from the conversation and scratches his head, deep in thought.  _Maybe I can finally talk to him._  He doesn’t say it, but he knows Minhyun knows how thankful he is.

They then get ready for the small party, each of them doing their own thing to prepare. Minhyun’s on invite duty because of his brilliant idea to invite the freshmen who turns out to be their only guests, while Seongwoo volunteers to get the drinks. He claims to not care about Minhyun’s task, but Seongwoo patiently waits for him to come back after inviting the boys. Minhyun scoffs when he returns to his dorm to find his friend casually lounging on his bed, knowing exactly what he’s here for.

“They’re coming.” is all Minhyun says, dropping his bag on the floor and slumping down on the chair next to his bed.

“Cool.” Seongwoo mutters. He eyes Minhyun carefully and asks, “So…Daniel…didn’t ask anything else?”

Minhyun chortles. “You idiot, why didn’t you come with me just now?”

“I can’t. It’d be too weird.”

“So when will it  _stop_  being weird?”

“I’ll talk to him during the party and resolve our problem.”

“ _What_  problem?”

Seongwoo could only shrug, unable to describe the muddle he and Daniel are in. It’s a  _weird_  kind of muddle. Minhyun groans and pretends to scratch his head out of frustration.

“I told him that you would be there–”

“Why would you tell him that?!”

“I just wanted him to know so he can choose not to come if he doesn’t want to see you.”

“I didn’t do anything weird or dirty with him, if that’s what you’re implying.” Seongwoo lets out a loud groan. He sighs and prepares himself for the one thing he never thought he’d reveal to anyone. Minhyun has spent all of high school until right now pushing him for an answer, so Seongwoo is sure right now is the time to spill it.

“Before I entered high school, he confessed to me, okay?”

“He what?!”

“That’s why I didn’t want to tell anyone! It was a really weird moment…especially considering he’s such a close friend.”

“So did you throw his heartfelt confession gift to his face or something? Why does he seem so scared of you?”

“He’s not scared, that’s just him being…shy.” Seongwoo points out, clearly aware of how Daniel acts around people. He shakes his head and continues, “I freaked out and told him I didn’t like him. ‘I don’t like you’, just like that. The way he started acting around me when he entered high school, though…I hate that shit.”

Unable to believe his ears, Minhyun runs both hands through his hair, ruffling it. “Wow, Ong. You’re  _chronically_  dumb. Someone as handsome and nice as that and you said you didn’t like him? And you wonder why he acts that way around you?”

“You don’t get it,” Seongwoo leans forward with a serious look on his face, “we were the best of friends. I was about to spend a year without him and I was hoping that when he joins me in high school we’d pick up where we left off and continue to be best friends. And then he– he fucking tells me he likes me?! I freaked out!”

Sitting back with a stunned expression on his face, Minhyun is beyond aghast listening to Seongwoo explain all of this so passionately. He nods and says, “I can see why it’s scary, but…that’s cold, dude.”

“I know, I know.” Seongwoo runs a hand down his face and lies down on the bed. “I still regret it to this day.”

They sit in silence for a bit, each other reveling themselves in thoughts regarding this topic. Minhyun finally breaks the silence by softly asking, “Do you think he still likes you? And that’s why he’s like that with you?”

The question hits Seongwoo like a basketball to the head. He finds himself wanting that to be so, so true that it hurts. He mutters, “I don’t know…”

“Do you want him to?”

“He would be a dumb ass to still like me after what I did to him.”

“True. You ignored him all of high school.”

“ _He_  ignored  _me_. I respected his wishes.”

They sit in silence once more, deeper in their thoughts. Minhyun slaps his thigh before standing up and grabbing a towel. He turns around before leaving Seongwoo alone in the room and points at him, saying, “You better get it fixed soon. If you really value him, that is.”

 _Of course I value him_ , Seongwoo thinks to himself with a frown. He puts both hands behind his head and closes his eyes, diverting his intrusive thoughts by imagining what Daniel would possibly wear to the party. He mutters to himself, “You better not wear another damn plaid shirt.”

Daniel’s collection of plaid shirts is nothing short of impressive. Just when you thought he has worn all his plaid shirts, he will appear the next day wearing a new one.

 

 

 

So during the small party one can barely even call a party, when Minki returns to the kitchen after getting the door and announces ‘the freshmen are here’, Seongwoo looks up with anticipation. A smile unknowingly creeps on his face at the sight of Daniel walking behind Jaehwan in a red plaid shirt.

“So…” Minki starts, assessing the both of them. Jaehwan is already warming up to Jonghyun and grabbing a drink, so Minki stares at the only awkwardly standing freshman left. “You look like Ong’s type, you must be Daniel.”

Choking on his drink, Seongwoo lets out a big cough once he’s sure he’s not going to die. He turns to glare at Minhyun, sure that his friend is responsible for this. Seongwoo’s eyes seem to be saying,  _I don’t even know what my type is, how the hell does Minki know?_  Minhyun shakes his head and puts his hands up, as if saying,  _it’s Choi Minki_.

Bowing politely and smiling, Daniel greets them. “I’m Kang Daniel, nice to meet you guys.”

“You’re that really good dancer from orientation week!” Jonghyun excitedly points out, referring to his experience as a facilitator during orientation week (Minhyun joked that he managed to adopt every freshman he mentored). Daniel shyly shakes his head but is also smiling wide, making Jonghyun giggle. “He did a b-boy routine and  _killed it_.”

Seongwoo looks at Daniel with the usual adoration in his eyes and comments, “Yeah, Daniel is amazing when he dances.”

Raising his eyebrows, Daniel looks at Seongwoo for a second, unsure if he heard it right. He finally replies, “A-ah, I’m not. Really. You catch more eyes when you dance.”

Standing up, Dongho offers Daniel a drink as a way to say,  _hey man you’re pretty cool_. He then asks, “So you guys met at dance school or something?”

Seeing as both Daniel and Seongwoo are both too dumb to speak, Minhyun butts in and points out, “They’re childhood friends. Went to the same primary school right up to high school.”

Minki looks taken aback, as if he isn’t sure if that is true. He asks, “Wow, that’s a long time coming together. Why don’t you guys look close, though?”

“We’re close!” Seongwoo immediately retorts, annoyance in his voice. Everyone in the room turns to look at him, shocked at the sudden outburst. Minhyun and Jaehwan chuckle softly as they shoot knowing looks at each other. Daniel’s face is unreadable - as if he doesn’t know what to think of that statement.

“…okay?” Dongho mumbles before finishing a bottle.

Minhyun looks at where Seongwoo is standing against the kitchen top and notes the number of bottles he has finished behind him. How Seongwoo acts when he’s drunk depends on his mood, and it seems that he feels a little ballsy today.

“Actually,” Seongwoo finishes another bottle and walks towards Daniel, “I invited Daniel so we can talk. Will you guys excuse us?”

Grabbing Daniel by the wrist of his right hand, Seongwoo pulls him towards the balcony of Minki’s apartment home. The rest of the gang stays in the kitchen, each of them with a question of their own. Jonghyun points to himself and says, “I thought  _I_  suggested to invite the freshmen?”

“Oh, hey. Thanks.” Jaehwan tells Jonghyun, holding his bottle up to him.

“Let’s let Seongwoo catch up with his old friend.” Minhyun suggests before opening the fridge. “Now, how about some food?”

 

 

Back at the balcony, Daniel is fidgeting with the empty bottle in his hand as he tries to look anywhere else but the man before him. It proves to be hard because of how tiny the balcony is. He holds the wrist that Seongwoo pulled earlier, reminded of back when Seongwoo would hold his hand when they cross the road.

“Did I grip it too hard? I’m sorry.” Seongwoo apologizes, reaching forward to touch the wrist.

Daniel lets him touch his wrist, suddenly frozen at the contact. He shakes his head and offers a small smile. “You didn’t, don’t worry.”

Seongwoo suddenly puts both hands up, looking at Daniel in the eyes with fire in his. Daniel wants to step back, but his back is already against the railing. Choosing to look back at Seongwoo, Daniel’s eyes are filled with fear instead.

“Stop what you’re doing– all of this. Right now.” Seongwoo orders, putting his hands on Daniel’s shoulders.

“I’m not doing anything.” Daniel replies, his eyebrows furrowed in worry. 

“Don’t you see it? There! This…fear and shyness you have when I’m anywhere near you.” Seongwoo annoyingly points out, his expression scaring Daniel because Seongwoo has never looked at him with this much anger. Daniel’s fear dissipates little by little when Seongwoo’s hands move to cup his face. “Aren’t we best friends?”

Lost at words, Daniel could only reply with a low ‘yes’.

“Then why do you treat me like a stranger?” Seongwoo asks, his question sounding more like a whine.

Daniel shrugs. “I thought that’s what you might’ve wanted.”

“No!” Seongwoo exclaims as he leans forward and unashamedly hugs Daniel, clinging on to him like a parasite. He speaks dangerously close to his ears, “I would never want that, not in a million years.”

Softly patting Seongwoo’s back, Daniel finds himself feeling even more nervous than any dance competitions he has ever participated in. He asks, “Are you drunk, Seongwoo?”

Seongwoo pulls back from his hug to point at Daniel with a smile. “You dropped the honorifics. That’s how I like it.”

“Hyung, you’re so drunk.” Daniel sighs, correcting himself this time. 

“And your ears are red.” Seongwoo teases, watching as Daniel’s ears turn redder than a strawberry.

“Yeah, they’re burning.”

“That’s okay.” Seongwoo smiles and uses both his hands to hold Daniel’s ears. “My hands are frozen.”

They stand that way for a whole 5 minutes, just staring at each other with Seongwoo’s hands on Daniel’s ears. Daniel finally puts his hands on Seongwoo’s and pulls them away. Seongwoo chooses to rest his hands on Daniel’s shoulders instead, hoping the boy would stop pushing him away,  _physically and emotionally_.

“Fine, let’s be best friends again.” Daniel announces, his toothy smile decorating his face. It seems forced, but Seongwoo is too ecstatic by what he said to even notice.

Feeling like he had just solved the hardest puzzle in the world, Seongwoo lets out a loud ‘WOO’ and pumps his fist in the air. Daniel chuckles at this, telling him to shut up because there are people sleeping.

“I don’t care!” Seongwoo exclaims, leaning against the balcony to tell the world. “I have my best friend back!”

The group of friends gather near the balcony, wondering if the shouting is from a fight or something. What they see instead is Daniel trying to pull a visibly drunk Seongwoo away from the railing. Seongwoo attempts to convince Daniel that this calls for a victory kiss, but Daniel shakes his head and pulls his friend inside. This puts a bright smile on Minhyun and Jaehwan’s faces, but just leaves everyone confused.

“So he, uh, patched things up?” Minhyun asks.

“He’s drunk.” Daniel points out, gesturing towards the mess of a man clinging onto him. “But…I guess so.”

Jaehwan raises his bottle in the air and screams out, “This calls for a toast!”

Closing his ears, Minki mutters, “Jesus, did you accidentally ate the microphone or something?”

“People usually tell me I sound like I ate CD’s, actually.” Jaehwan corrects him without a single trace of humility. 

The small party continues with more drinks and more people invited, the tiny house containing more than 10 people at one point. Minki’s ‘small’ parties usually end up the opposite, but tonight isn’t too bad. Jaehwan is at the center of the room most of the time, charming everyone with a guitar. He dedicates almost all his songs to Minhyun, claiming that Minhyun had requested them all when he obviously did not. Daniel spends the whole night at the couch, unmoved because Seongwoo is plastered to him and talking his ears off about what he missed while they were in their cold period throughout high school.

Seongwoo feels better than he ever did since middle school.

 

xxxxx

 

Head heavy and eyes hurting, Seongwoo wakes up in Jonghyun’s room. He cringes at the fact that he was too drunk last night to even go home and wonders what he could have possibly done.

_Daniel._

Fumbling with the blanket covering him, Seongwoo throws it away and looks for his phone hurriedly. He has no urgent texts or calls, which makes him let out a relieved sigh. He remembers every bit of last night that involved Daniel, right up to the part where Dongho came back with more drinks and Seongwoo probably blacked out after that. He slaps himself on the forehead when he remembers forcing Daniel to be friends with him again, but is also partially thankful because the boy seemed more than happy to agree.

After making sure he didn’t do anything embarrassing last night, Seongwoo leaves the apartment in one piece and heads back home. On the way there, he passes by Minhyun’s dorm which is also where most of the freshmen live. He knows Jaehwan is beyond excited because he lives a floor above Minhyun - which makes Seongwoo wonder if Daniel might live there as well.

“Are you going to go in or are you going to stand there and block the entrance for the fun of it?”

Seongwoo immediately backs away, scared by the voice behind him. He turns around and lets out a laugh upon realizing it’s Jaehwan with a pair of sunglasses on to cover his hungover face.

“Jaehwannie? Are you okay?” Seongwoo asks, laughing as if he isn’t suffering a hangover himself.

Taking off his sunglasses, Jaehwan is flustered and laughs nervously. Seongwoo’s eyebrows furrows at the absence of the confident and loud Jaehwan he knows. He chooses to ignore it and asks, “Is Daniel here? I mean…he lives here, right?”

Biting his lip, Jaehwan rolls on the ball of his feet and answers, “Uh…yeah. Why?”

“I don’t know,” Seongwoo smiles and cheerily says, “just wondering if he wants breakfast.”

Looking around like he’s making sure they’re the only two people there, Jaehwan nervously comes closer towards Seongwoo. “Hyung, you remembered what happened last night…right?”

Smiling, Seongwoo answers, “Of course.”

“I don’t know how to say this, but,” Jaehwan sighs and rubs his temple, “Daniel is kind of pretending last night didn’t happen.”

His eyebrows shooting up as his heart crumbles to the ground, Seongwoo asks, “Is he okay? Did I- did I do something embarrassing? Fuck, I didn’t accidentally propose to him or anything like that, right?”

“No, hyung, you asked him if you guys can be friends again.”

“I know, I remember doing all that.”

“Well, he told me - after you passed out - that…he doesn’t want it.”

“Define ‘he doesn’t want it’. He clearly gave a positive reaction to–”

“I guess he doesn’t want you guys to be friends again?”

Seongwoo goes silent for a bit. He blinks a few times. “W-what? Why wouldn’t he- are you pulling my leg?”

“Hyung, I’m serious.”

Seongwoo stands there, trying to process all of this while trying not to look like he’s about to blow up. Jaehwan sighs apologetically and pats Seongwoo’s shoulder before entering through the doors. Seongwoo turns around and the harsh sun causes him to close his eyes. He sighs at the thought that even the sun hates him.

“Okay, Kang Daniel,” he says to himself. “We'll do this differently, then.”


	2. the paused time is about to start moving

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> .  
>  HERE IT IS  
> I WAS BUSY OK

They fell into a routine. Seongwoo studied Daniel’s schedule (that he paid Jaehwan to give him) and observed him during the first semester. Daniel was very active like any freshmen would be - but his focus was and always will be on dancing. Come second semester, Seongwoo began approaching Daniel again. Daniel looked uncomfortable during all their interactions, clearly putting up a guard. It pissed Seongwoo off the first few times, finding it ridiculous that he only wanted a friendship but Daniel seems to think he doesn’t deserve it.  _ I had to suffer through first year of high school thinking about his confession and now he wants to pretend we were never acquainted?! _

Seongwoo is now in his junior year and Daniel a sophomore. The routine stays the same and even Daniel’s friends began to recognize Seongwoo. A curious Park Jihoon once came up to him and asked, “Are you Daniel hyung’s boyfriend?” and it gave Seongwoo sleepless nights devoted to thinking about the question.

_ The answer is obviously no. _

_ But why was my first instinct to say yes? _

Rumors spread among the freshmen, with countless girls crying in disappointment upon the news of Ong Seongwoo being unavailable. Seongwoo could not figure out why he said what he said, but quickly shoots down Minhyun's absurd suggestion that it's a Freudian slip thing. When it happened, it was the first time Daniel came to Seongwoo instead of the other way round. A bright smile formed on Seongwoo’s face when he saw a familiar figure approaching him, but it quickly turned upside down when he was close enough to see Daniel’s angry expression. With a frown, Daniel skipped the greetings and harshly asked, “Why did you tell everyone you were my boyfriend?”

“I didn’t tell everyone– what do you think I am?!” Seongwoo replied, angry at the accusation. 

“Then why is half the freshmen batch talking about ‘Daniel hyung’s boyfriend’ then?”

“It’s just- that Park Jihoon asked me…I blurted out whatever was on top of my head and I–”

“I knew nothing good would come out of whatever it is you’re doing.” Daniel’s words stabbed Seongwoo in the heart, but not as painful as what he added before leaving, “Just stop it already.”

 

 

 

 

Minhyun nudges Seongwoo’s leg under the table. Seongwoo glares at him. Minhyun sighs and closes the book in front of Seongwoo. “If you’re not going to study, just close the book.”

“I like the illusion of it.” Seongwoo mutters to himself, opening the book again. Truth is, they’ve been in the library for hours now and Seongwoo has spent more than half of it staring out the window.

Annoyed, Minhyun groans, “If I knew this would happen, I’d have chosen a spot inside where there aren’t windows.”

“It’s not the windows.”

Minhyun takes a deep breath and asks, “We need to talk about this. Are you still sulking about it?”

“You’d understand if you were there. His words were so…mean.”

“Technically he’s right!” Minhyun exclaims, momentarily forgetting he’s in a library. “You spend half your free time looking for him like he’s your boyfriend or something. At some point it will get annoying.”

“I want him to know that I’m not letting our years of treasured friendship go to waste!” Seongwoo retorts, slamming his book.

“You guys are way too noisy for the library.” A voice interrupts from behind them. Jaehwan appears out of nowhere and slings his arms around them, grinning. “As a librarian, I demand you guys to shut up.”

Swatting his hand away, Seongwoo asks, “Why are you a librarian, anyway? You’re the noisiest person I know.”

“It’s a job and I need money.” Jaehwan shrugs before sitting down with them. He excitedly leans in and asks, “Let me guess, the topic is Daniel finally snapping at Seongwoo hyung?”

“You knew about it?” Minhyun asks.

“Of course, as if Daniel ever shuts up about seeing Seongwoo hyung everywhere. The boyfriend thing really did it for him.” 

Seongwoo leans back and moans sadly, looking up at the ceiling. “Fine then. If he hates me that much…”

“He doesn’t hate you, hyung.” Jaehwan sympathetically taps Seongwoo’s shoulder. “Just a little annoyed.”

Minhyun hates seeing Seongwoo like this, so he appreciates it when Jaehwan comes to help with the perspective of someone who’s actually close to Daniel. Even when his words are blunt, he knows Seongwoo needs the truth.

“Mid terms are coming up anyways. I’ll just focus on that.” Seongwoo tells himself. Minhyun smiles at this, glad that Seongwoo is finally thinking a little straight. He opens the book in front of Seongwoo and pats it, convinced that maybe this Daniel business can finally die off.

 

 

 

And then Ha Sungwoon appears.

Seongwoo is taking a break from a whole day of camping in the library when he almost spills his banana milk upon the discovery on his Instagram timeline. He follows Daniel ( _ obviously _ , and Daniel kindly follows him back) and knows what his typical posts are - selfies, his cats, friends, cats, selfies, cats…it’s a predictable pattern Seongwoo enjoys looking at.

But an anomaly happens.

Daniel’s latest post is a group picture of him and his friends in a BBQ restaurant, but the focus is Daniel hugging a much smaller man from behind. Anybody can be small when they’re with Daniel, but this man seems quite tiny. Seongwoo scrolls to read the caption and his heart drops a little at the end bit of it mentioning a certain ‘my tiny cloud hyung’. Not thinking much, Seongwoo clicks on the man’s profile and learns that his name is Ha Sungwoon and he has very nice skin - probably even better than Daniel. He has a couple of pictures with Daniel, one with the same group at a different place and one with just the two of them. It’s an endearing selfie with their heads stuck to each other in a cute pose. 

Seongwoo wants to throw his phone against the wall. He wants to pretend he never saw the pictures, but it’s all he could think about. He tries to concentrate on the material he’s been studying all day but nothing seems to be able to penetrate the wall his mind has built. The wall is just the selfie of Daniel and Sungwoon in HD, blocking any other distraction from entering Seongwoo’s mind like a giant plasma screen. 

 

 

 

“Kim Jaehwan,” Minhyun holds Jaehwan’s shoulder, concern filling his eyes, “did you erase math from your brain as soon as you left high school?”

“Ah hyung, it’s not that, it’s just-” Jaehwan sighs. “I’m a practical music major, why should I know math?”

“Because you still need to take basic math classes!” Minhyun sighs in exasperation but shakes the annoyance away. If it takes him all day to teach Jaehwan, so be it.

Before he could continue, Minhyun’s phone rings. He picks it up as soon as he sees Seongwoo’s name on the screen, wondering how his friend is doing with his last minute cramming. “Ong-sshi, how is–”

“Do you know a Ha Sungwoon?”

A question mark appears in Minhyun’s mind.  _ Ha Sungwoon _ . He turns to Jaehwan and asks, “Do you know a Ha Sungwoon?”

Jaehwan raises his eyebrows and mutters, “Sounds familiar…not sure…”

Seongwoo’s voice shouts from the other end, “I THINK DANIEL IS DATING HIM.”

Able to hear it even though Minhyun isn’t on loud speaker, Jaehwan chuckles. “He’d tell me if he’s dating anyone.”

“Ong-ah, what’re you talking about?” Minhyun sighs.

“Check his Instagram. Ch-check that Sungwoon guy’s Instagram. They’re too close to be just friends.”

“I thought you’re supposed to be studying.”

“I took a break and now I regret it. I will never take a break ever again–”

“Let’s talk about this over ramen tonight.” Minhyun suggests, groaning at the thought of Daniel dating someone else. He has nothing against it - he just knows how Seongwoo would react to it. “And make sure to get some sleep first. I don’t want to talk to you when you’re running on Red Bull and chips.”

Later that night, Minhyun arrives at the ramen place first so he orders their usual. Jaehwan was supposed to join them so Minhyun can escape from being the only one consoling Seongwoo when he cries, but that vermin made an excuse about wanting to go busking tonight. 

When Seongwoo finally arrives, he looks less tired which means he took Minhyun’s advice and sneaked in a few hours of sleep.

“So did you check their Instagrams?” Is the first thing Seongwoo asks him.

“Hello to you too.” Minhyun waves at him. “And yes, I did.”

“And…?”

“Well, it’s obvious.” Minhyun crosses his arms across his chest. “Even if they’re dating, what’s wrong with it?”

“Are you saying it’s none of my business?”

“Do enlighten me, what else could I be saying?” Minhyun dramatically gestures at Seongwoo to answer his rhetorical question. “Besides, he looks happy.”

Leaning back and exhaling what looks like angry fumes, Seongwoo shakes his head and rubs his face with his hand. “I can’t believe you.”

“Back then, you’d give me cryptic answers when I ask about Daniel. Now you can’t seem to stop thinking and talking about him -  _ I _ can’t believe you sometimes, Ong.” Minhyun blurts out, finally expressing what he has been wondering this whole time.

“That’s because I used to think he needed space, so I gave it to him.” They pause for a bit when their ramen arrives, putting a momentary big smile on Seongwoo’s face. He sighs and continues, “But I miss him, so I’m sorry if it’s way overdue but I still want us to be friends.”

“And you think appearing everywhere in his life will do it?”

“He literally said he doesn’t want to be my friend- who even denies a friendship?”

“It didn’t occur to you to maybe, I don’t know, respect his answer?”

“I’m doing this because he’s the one who drifted us apart - he can’t suddenly decide to–”

“Ong Seongwoo, is it really friendship that you want?”

The question feels like a Tyson punch to the face for Seongwoo. The noodles he was pulling up to cool down drops and splashes soup on his shirt. He stares at his soup and then his stained shirt before letting out a loud life-reflecting sigh. Minhyun calmly and quietly eats his ramen, enjoying the moment of silence. 

After a good minute, Seongwoo grumpily eats his ramen and says under his breath, “I hate you.”

 

 

 

 

It goes on for almost three weeks now. Seongwoo finds out that Ha Sungwoon graduated last year from the music department, but is back as a graduate student which is how Jaehwan knows him. He is apparently under 170 cm, which Seongwoo hates to admit but is sort of cute. He sings amazingly well and effortlessly, other than also dancing well. He’s excited all the time for some reason, which reminds Seongwoo of Daniel. He tries to reason with himself that opposites are supposed to attract, so they can’t possibly be a good combination. His reasoning is debunked when he passes by a practice room (coincidentally, by his habit of passing by due to Daniel always being there) to see Daniel’s group of friends in there including Sungwoon. They’re playing charades, presumably because they’re taking a break from practice, and Daniel is doing his best to describe something. Sungwoon excitedly jumps up to shout the answer, but his voice breaks and laughter erupts in the room. The loudest is obviously Daniel, who goes over to give Sungwoon a hug for his efforts. 

Seongwoo is peeking from behind a door like a creep as this happens, and watching it suddenly erases his curiosity. He walks away, swallowing the large lump in his throat. He bites his lip and lowers his head as he walks faster, afraid that his unstable emotions might cause him to tear up.  _ As a friend, shouldn’t I be happy for him? _ Seongwoo tries to reason with himself.  _ I’m happy if he’s happy, and yet I feel nothing short of horrible watching him be happy. _

_ I’m so fucking dumb. _

_ Why can’t I just admit it. _

In order to come to terms with his real feelings, Seongwoo stops. He stops frequenting the places he used to because of Daniel. That means his new routine is to avoid Daniel and see how serious his feelings really are. It’s hard, especially with the temptation to ask Jaehwan how Daniel is every time he sees the singer. Jaehwan made the mistake of telling Seongwoo that Daniel is going on a trip to Jeju with his friends (and Sungwoon) once, but Minhyun quickly swooped in and told him about Seongwoo’s new resolution. That piece of fact alone made Seongwoo wonder about a million and one things.

_ I wonder where he’s been without me. He used to join my class trips even though he was a year younger because the teachers liked him. He never went anywhere far without me. I guess a hell lot of things have changed since that night. I bet he’s been to more places with Jaehwan than he ever did with me. _

These thoughts fill his mind constantly, even after Jaehwan and Minhyun make sure to not even mention Daniel’s name. But Seongwoo knows what this means.

“It’s more than friendship.”

Minhyun, Jaehwan, and Woojin, the freshman Minhyun is tutoring, looks at Seongwoo in unison. The usually chatty man has been silent since they arrived at the cafe, so it’s weird that those are the first words he said today.

“What is?” Jaehwan asks, his eyes still barely open at this hour.

“Daniel.” Seongwoo sighs, twirling his coffee mug. “I don’t know why I can’t seem to admit it, but there you have it. I might have feelings…that are…more than what I thought they are.”

Looking at all the other guys, Woojin is seemingly lost in the topic. He softly interrupts with a question, “I’m sorry, is this about Kang Daniel?”

“Who else.” Minhyun smiles.

“That hyung is so cool. And funny.” Woojin says, laughing to himself. “Not as funny as you though, Ong hyung. Even he admits it.”

“What?” All three of the other men ask in unison.

Stuttering under the eyes of his hyungs, Woojin answers, “Y-yeah…he mentioned about how funny Ong hyung is.”

“What else?”

“About Ong hyung? I don’t know, he mentions it at random times…like how some songs reminds him of Ong hyung because you used to dance to it.” Woojin thinks for a while before adding, “Most of the time he doesn’t refer to you directly, but we know it’s you. That’s why it wasn’t hard for us to accept that rumor about…you know.”

Sipping on his coffee loudly, Jaehwan tries to hide his oblivion towards this matter. Daniel did talk to him about Seongwoo sometimes, but he thought it was only because they were good friends.  _ Has he been telling everyone about Ong? _

“I thought he…” Minhyun pauses as he tries to find the right words, “…well, didn’t want to acknowledge Ong’s existence.”

“Hey.” Seongwoo nudges Minhyun a little too hard to be friendly.

Woojin shrugs. “Seems like the opposite. When the rumors happened, he told us to shut up because he said you might hate it. Then Jihoon said you said it yourself.”

“And then what?”

“I don’t know, it was weird. He got angry all of a sudden. We never talk about it anymore.”

Seongwoo is left to stare into space once again, reevaluating his life. So maybe this isn’t the end. Maybe there is hope after all. But I fucked up so hard - it was colossal. If only I knew the right way to approach this from the start.

“Hyung, don’t ever drift into space like that. It scares me.” Jaehwan grimaces, nudging Seongwoo. “Anyways, we were wondering if you want to join us for drinks tonight.”

“You had time to arrange a meet up while I was having a crisis on my own?” Seongwoo asks, clutching his heart dramatically. When the rest of the boys give him indifferent looks, he gives up and shrugs. “No thanks, I’ll be in my room to rethink my life decisions.”

“We’ll be at the usual spot if you change your mind.” Minhyun says anyway.

 

 

 

 

_ Daniel is here _

_ Just thought you might wanna know _

Seongwoo has never jumped off a bed so fast upon reading a text message. Putting on a jacket and some pants on, he grabs his car keys and bolts out the door of is apartment without thinking much. 

He was planning on confronting Daniel with his newfound revelation, but confrontation is always hard to do even if it’s in good spirit. When Seongwoo received the text from Minhyun, his mind immediately calculates the multitude of ways that approaching Daniel at a club could go better than his so called confrontation. 

Arriving at the club amazingly underdressed, Seongwoo enters and spots Minhyun right away. The man is at the bar, talking to some people Seongwoo recognizes from college. Looking around, he also realizes that most of the patrons right now are kids from his college. Seongwoo sighs and hopes no one recognizes him as he wades through the crowd. Minhyun spots him coming over and grins.

“The great Ong Seongwoo has decided to grace us with his presence?”

“Shut up, you know why I’m here.”

“I only texted it for fun, never thought you’d  _ actually come _ .” Minhyun looks around for a bit before leaning in and whispering, “He’s a little weird tonight.”

“Daniel?”

“He came with his friends and they kept on telling him to stop drinking.” Minhyun shrugs and empties his glass. “One of them even told the bartender to hide all the drinks.”

Seongwoo glances towards the dance floor where most people in the club are and sure enough, in the big bunch is a mess of blonde hair sticking out. Daniel's face is red and he’s oddly not joining in the dance battle or whatever it is that’s going on. Even his smile almost seems forced, like he doesn’t want to be there.

“But why does he look like he wants to be anywhere but here?” Seongwoo asks.

“I don’t know, he’s been standing by the side the whole time.”

“But he loves to dance.”

Minhyun could only smile in response, unsure of what to add to this. It brings an unsettling feeling in the pit of Seongwoo’s stomach, so he marches towards the dance floor bravely. Before he could shoulder through the crowd to get to Daniel, he suddenly gets a classic case of cold feet and freezes. 

And then Daniel turns around and their eyes meet. They look at each other for the longest time, almost like they’re both too scared to approach the other. Daniel makes the first move after what seems like forever, pushing past people and walking towards Seongwoo with a gaze Seongwoo has never seen before. But just as Seongwoo is about to open his mouth and start his speech (that he rehearsed at least 10 times in his head on the way here) Daniel pushes him as well and walks past him, exiting the crowd. Seongwoo almost falls on his butt if it wasn’t for the annoyed people around him who pushed him out of the crowd. He spots Daniel heading outside and quickly runs after him.

Almost tumbling, Daniel keeps himself upright as he walks out of the club. Seongwoo remembers Jaehwan telling him that Daniel's the furthest thing from a lightweight and he hates it. All he wants to do is to drink and forget about his worries for once - like other people. But no, Daniel is bound to be eternally sober and occasionally tipsy.    
  
"Kang Daniel!"   
  
Waiting with his heart beating too fast and his palms sweating, Seongwoo could finally breathe properly when Daniel turns around.   
  
"What." Daniel asks, sounding more annoyed than curious.    
  
Seongwoo catches up to him and pants a little when he's beside Daniel, the beads of sweat on his forehead obvious. The older man hesitates on what to say, but proceeds to ask, "Where are you going?"   
  
"Home."   
  
"How- are you driving?"   
  
"Yes, I absolutely am."   
  
"You've got to be joking."   
  
"Of course I'm walking. I'm not dumb."   
  
Seongwoo isn't sure how terrible he looks like because Daniel is analyzing him from top to bottom, the expression on his face unreadable. Seongwoo hates that - he used to be able to tell if Daniel is happy or sad just by the way his voice sounds, and now he isn’t even sure if Daniel’s smile really means he’s happy.   
  
“I’m really worried about you." Seongwoo admits.   
  
Daniel rolls his eyes. "I can drink."    
  
"That's not the case." Seongwoo purses his lips at the sight of a drunk Daniel - red and messy - and sighs. "You're acting really weird."   
  
"How would you know if I'm acting weird?" Daniel asks, getting defensive. He scoffs, "Maybe this is just the way I've been all this time? You wouldn't know, would you?"   
  
Eyebrows knitted together, Seongwoo's concern grows even more. He boldly holds Daniel's hand and says, "Of course I would know. I'm your friend."   
  
“Stop saying that!” Daniel wriggles his hand away, almost throwing himself off balance. He continues walking away and says, "Not since middle school, we're not."    
  
Frustrated by this behavior, Seongwoo shouts as he walks behind Daniel, "Are you still hung up about that night? Even after all these years?"   
  
"Stop dreaming, I've been over you for years!" Daniel exclaims back, his words angry but his face red and quite adorable. It reminds Seongwoo of when tiny Daniel used to act angry to scare Seongwoo but it never worked.    
  
"It doesn't seem that way?" Seongwoo shouts back. “If you’re really over me you wouldn’t be treating me like this.”

  
Turning around, Daniel exclaims, "Fuck you, Ong Seongwoo."

And then he walks into a pole.

 

 

 

 

“Stop treating me so nice.” 

“I can’t leave you there to die.”

“I’m not even bleeding.”

“You dropped like a dead body - you might as well be.”

Choosing to stop talking, Daniel lets Seongwoo press the cold bag of peas on his head. It hurts, but he clutches on his pants to stop himself from wincing. The hit definitely sobered him up a little, possibly even a mild concussion. Whatever it is, the hit was definitely strong enough that Kang Daniel is lying on Ong Seongwoo’s couch with his head on the elder’s lap. Seongwoo never thought he’d be in this position (anytime soon at least) and now he suddenly has a pole to thank for it.

Brushing Daniel’s hair away from his forehead, Seongwoo presses the bag against the red spot on his forehead. He wants to kiss it better, but he knows his limits and tries his best not to push it. Softly, he asks, “What makes you think I’ll ever stop treating you so nice?”

Daniel looks up at the ceiling and bites the inside of his cheeks, deliberating on what to say. He finally replies, “I treated you like shit.”

Seongwoo chuckles. “I’d ask you why, but I think I know the answer.”

“It really isn’t what you think it is.” Daniel mutters. 

Running a hand through Daniel’s hair for reasons more than just to move it away from his forehead, Seongwoo sighs. “We don’t have to talk about this. I deserve it for being an absolute ass to you.”

Daniel’s phone rings, making the both of them jump a little. Not moving from the comfortable position, Daniel lazily answers the call, “Yeah, Sungwoon hyung?”

Gulping hard, Seongwoo feels all his future resolutions crumble into pieces. He absolutely forgot about Ha Sungwoon, the main reason he stopped pursuing Daniel in the first place. Now that he remembers, Seongwoo groans at the thought of having to put his efforts aside because the last thing he wants to do is wreck a relationship. 

“I decided to leave early because...I wasn’t feeling well.” Daniel glances at Seongwoo before pursing his lips. “I’m at my friend’s right now. Uh...it’s Ong Seongwoo. I’ll be fine, I’ll call you if I need a ride home.”

Hanging up, Daniel puts the phone back in his pocket.  _ Don’t call him for a ride home _ , Seongwoo wants to say so badly.  _ Don’t leave _ . Instead, he gently rubs some balm on Daniel’s forehead silently. He could feel that even Daniel feels the tension, judging by the way the boy tensed up.

“You should leave now before he gets worried.” Seongwoo advices, patting Daniel’s shoulder.

To his surprise, Daniel shakes his head. Instead, he confesses, “I only did what I did to save myself from disappointment one more time.”

They stare at each other for a few minutes, both with jumbled up thoughts and mixed feelings. His mouth agape, Seongwoo dumbly stutters, “W-what? Do what?”

Inhaling, Daniel answers, “Ignoring you. I only did it so I won’t have to be rejected twice.”

“What do you mean?”

“During your high school graduation, I was the one who made the rice cakes for you. I thought I should start mending our friendship since I’ll be going to the same college as you anyway.” Daniel sighs and closes his eyes. “And then you approached me when I came here - I was ecstatic. But when Minhyun hyung invited us to the party and said you’d be there, I began to have...mixed thoughts about it.”

“About what?”

“Going down that road again. Befriending you. Falling for you all over again - I panicked. Jaehwan told me to go anyways, he said nothing could go wrong.” Daniel takes a deep breath and sits up, leaving Seongwoo’s lap feeling empty without his head on it. He continues, “You ruined it when you asked if we could be friends again. I knew that I could never be your friend again without developing feelings, so I thought it’d be best to…”

“Ignore me.” Seongwoo continues for him.

Rubbing his face and running his hands through his hair, Daniel frustratingly leans forward. “I tried to move on, I really did. Sungwoon hyung would’ve made a great boyfriend...if only I could stop talking about you. It was ridiculous and even he knew it. I-it will take time...but I’ll get there.”

“Where?”

“A time where I’ll stop thinking about you all the damn time.”

All the best scenario cases Seongwoo had imagined could never come close to this. He expected, at most, that Daniel would hesitatingly agree to give him another chance. Seongwoo never expected that Daniel would still have feelings for him. The butterflies in his stomach suddenly multiplies as Daniel turns to face him with an expression Seongwoo can read well - sadness.

“What if I don’t want you to stop thinking about me?” 

Daniel’s eyebrows shoot up instantly, unsure if Seongwoo said what he said.  Finally sure that his hand will not be swatted away, Seongwoo carefully holds Daniel’s hand and rubs the back of his hand with his thumb. “I was 16 and dumb. I thought your confession was the worst thing you could ever do.” Daniel’s hand jerks a little but Seongwoo squeezes it assuringly. “But I was clearly wrong. You were brave and smart for stepping forward with your feelings like that. I would never have the balls to do something like that. In fact, it took me this long to come to terms with my feelings.”

“Seongwoo-”

“I love you, Kang Daniel.” Seongwoo hangs his head low and sighs. “I should’ve realized that I’ve always seen you as more than a friend. Even when we weren’t talking, I’ve always looked over you because I can never see myself being away from you.”

“But-”

“That’s the only justification I have for following you around like a weirdo. I mean, I made sure it wasn’t stalk-ish and odd but I know it can make anyone feel uncomfortable. But...I just missed how we used to always be together, you know?” Seongwoo finally looks up and smiles at what is now a pale-looking Daniel. “...Daniel?”

Clutching Seongwoo’s hand tighter, Daniel timidly says, “I love you too but I think I need to throw up.”

Pulling Daniel towards the bathroom, Seongwoo spends about an hour rubbing Daniel’s back and making sure he drinks a lot of water after hurling what seems like a week’s worth of food. Daniel apologizes for ruining the beautiful moment but Seongwoo would take him wretching his stomach’s content any day than have to face a ‘no’ from him. Once he’s sure Daniel is okay and could brush his teeth without wretching, Seongwoo guides him back to his room. Daniel lies on Seongwoo’s bed with an arm covering his eyes, color slowly coming back to his face.

“Seongwoo...sorry again...”

“I told you it’s fine.” Seongwoo chuckles and pulls his hand down because he wants to see Daniel’s face as he asks, “Hey, how can I be sure that you won’t take back what you said tomorrow morning?”

Smiling at the memory of how he completely pretended like he hadn’t said yes to Seongwoo’s drunken plea a year or so ago, Daniel suggests, “You can stay by my side and make sure I don’t leave in the morning.”

Biting his lip to stop himself from smiling so hard, Seongwoo finds it hard to believe that the naive and innocent Daniel he knew is now a suave man who has a way with words. He still has a long way to go to uncover the other sides of Daniel he has missed out these past years, and it absolutely  _ thrills _ Seongwoo. Jumping on the other side of the bed, Seongwoo props his head up with his hand as he lies on his side to look at Daniel.

“I’ll be watching you all night long, then.” Seongwoo playfully warns him.

“That’s kind of creepy.”

“Then what should I do?”

“I don’t know.” Daniel turns to face him and says, “Hold my hand and don't let go.”

Sliding their hands together, Seongwoo interlocks their fingers and it gives him a whole zoo in his stomach - butterflies flying and elephants stomping around. Daniel smiles so hard while looking at their hands, a smile that Seongwoo can definitely decipher as - happy. Inching forward, Seongwoo asks, “Can I kiss you?”

“I literally just threw up.”

Grimacing at the thought, Seongwoo nods and sighs. He leans forwards and kisses Daniel’s forehead instead. “That’s for your clumsy bruise.” Daniel giggles. Seongwoo kisses Daniel’s cheek and adds, “And that’s for throwing up in the middle of my confession.”

“I get a kiss for that?” Daniel pretends to gasp in shock.

Making sure this is reality and Daniel is really in front of him, Seongwoo touches Daniel’s face with his other hand and moves to run it through Daniel’s hair. The younger is obviously comfortable with the touch and begins to close his eyes. Seongwoo softly replies, “You’ll get a kiss for everything.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> oh my GOD i finished it i thought i would NEVER
> 
> hope it's good enough an ending dkjsagjdsf

**Author's Note:**

> u know the drill im on twt @ defseongwoo
> 
> and i just made a cc! it's curiouscat.me/ganjanamja lol


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